Three Secrets of Long Term Relationship Success Happy, Better, Faster
Happiness - why we want to be in love and in a relationship. Better why we choose one partner over another and stay loyal and faithful. Faster the incredible opportunity the right relationship presents at a deep, soul, spiritual level: fulfilling our ambitions - Faster.
Five contact points
- 1. Faster: Physical and Financial Attraction. Pleasure and Fulfilment come faster.
- 2. Better: Mental Attraction - Compare your partner to anyone else and there is no better.
- 3. Happier: Soul and Emotional Love Attraction - A Deep sense of Perfection.
LET"S START WITH FASTER:
Details in Three Secrets of Long Term Relationship Success Happy, Better, Faster
If being with you makes my life slower, makes my aches and pains last longer, makes my emotional downers harder to recover from, makes my career slow down, my plans delayed, my vision extend out for more years, am I going to remain committed to a relationship with you?
We have to recognise here that relationships are based on getting what we want. They're all about love and attraction too, we'll discuss that in a minute, but at the core essence of human existence at the most spiritual levels of heart and soul is, yes, getting what we want. The more we have, in whatever form, the more we can contribute.
Three Secrets of Long Term Relationship Important Points To Be Noted
Nobody wakes up wanting less - (unless it's stress).
Relationships succeed because you are getting what you want, when you want it, and you're getting it more, and faster than you were before. And, yes, I hear the negative implication of orgasms and so on, well think it through before you shoot the messenger. Do you think, you'll stay happy in a relationship if you can get sex faster and easier with a stranger than you can with your partner. People do not gravitate to hard work, or more difficulty. Faster is king and queen of the spiritual realm and relationships at the spiritual realm last forever.
Let's not limit this conversation to sex. Although we could easily do so. Let's add wealth, lets add sport goals, and social friendship roles, career ambitions and humanitarian responsibilities. Do you think we gravitate toward or away from things that slow those down? We gravitate away - it's the Soul of Humanity to strive toward betterment, a better world, a better life, better strength to contribute - which often means more simplicity, more technology, more refined process. It NEVER means more trouble, more difficulty and certainly not, longer periods of waiting. NEVER.
Faster recovery from emotional upset, faster process toward your goals (include financial), faster process for sexual and personal pleasure and more of your ambitions achieved in a shorter period of time. Link this to your relationship and you'll have magnetism. Find a disconnect and you'll start to lose the libido and communication that makes love grow.
I'm sure you can list a thousand situations you've observed where, in the desire for a better relationship, one or both partners have actually put the brakes on their partner's ambitions in career or sport or fun, or even philanthropic ambitions, and as such killed the relationship. One lady, partnered a guy who was an aspiring musician with a great full time job to pay his lifestyle. She bought into his life romance and inspiration which added value to his ambition to be a great musician but she was so emotionally self absorbed, his mind and heart we continually distracted by her emotional upset over her children (past marriage), her ex, her life, her health, that in spite of the love that guy had for her, he just drew down to protect his SOUL mission of music. This is nature, protecting her own.
THE SECOND STEP TO SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS IS - BETTER
COMPARISON is Nature. Nature compares, so do you. The minute you compare your partner to another person and think that the other person would be a better partner than the one you're with, you're unhappy. And that's the end of it.
Comparison is critical but the outcome is not predetermined. It's you. If you're generous, positive, kind and appreciative of your partner every other person who comes into range of sight, touch, smell, thought, sound, tastes must be subordinate to them. That's it,your partner is BETTER than all your other options. and you do have many including being single.
Compromise means others would be better and that's the most relationship killing, libido depreciating, personally rejecting, heart closing, head banging state of mind a human can bring to another person. You're second best and I'm prepared to suffer it. That's compromise, and it's the first nail in the coffin of happiness.
This relationship you are in has to be perceived as far better than anything else. If you perceive being single as better than this relationship, then you're depreciating the person you're with and hurting them subconsciously. If you're thinking that compromise is ok, then just wait and see how those thoughts eventually sabotage your relationship.
Being in this relationship must be perceived as the best place for you to be. No seconds or thirds. It achieves this status because you choose to think those things, and if you choose not to, then the end is near, eventually.
BETTERMENT is the Deeper Spirit of relationship and if this relationship isn't the best betterment, then it won't last unless you change your mindset.
If you don't get this one, then something is really wrong. People come to a relationship to me BETTER. They don't come to a relationship to SUSTAIN what they already have. Whatever they had outside or before this relationship or could have without this relationship, needs to be IMPROVED by this relationship. BETTER is MAGNETISM and nobody will cheat or defeat BETTER.
- THE THIRD STEP - HAPPY
We all know that "making someone happy" is impossible. An unhappy person is unhappy and no relationship on earth is going to change that, right? We are on the same page? Most people think a relationship is going to make them happy, but that's a week, month or a year at the tops. Unhappy people are unhappy, in and out of a relationship. Oh, and by the way, Happy people don't get Unhappy because of the relationship. The fact is some people just don't know how unhappy they are until they get into a relationship that cuts off their escape routes.
So, here's the real rub for long term relationship success in Happiness.
YOU HAVE TO BE HAPPY.. Yeah baby, it's you. Not your partner, not your relationship, that's nothing to do with it. YOU have to be happy and the most important thing you have to be happy about, is nothing.
Now, you might be confused, so, here's a bit more information on this. Being happy because you get, got, have, or had something is physical and understandable so lets label that PLEASURE. Pleasure of the physical nature can come and go, as we all know. So, it's really dumb to label HAPPY with the derivation of pleasure. If pleasure comes and goes, then so will our happiness. We're like a donkey chasing a carrot on a stick or a cat chasing its tail. This is a definite burnout model for relationships.
HAPPY people ARE HAPPY. No cause.
So, HAPPY in relationship means HAPPY in LIFE means HAPPY in SELF. A miserable person might be attracted to a Happy relationship but eventually that misery, that internal emotional dialogue infects the relationship and that's the end of romance.
People become as you think about them. If you're appreciating your partner, appreciating them (BETTER) and seeing that, they are helping you live your DESTINY FASTER you have the first part of successful relationship. But the third element, HAPPY, has nothing to do with your partner or your RELATIONSHIP.
Happy is up to you and it is, without question, the most challenging.
Sometimes people think that Making Someone Happy, will make them want to be with us. That's is not exactly true. If we are already happy before we meet someone, then everything we do will make them happy, it's infectious. But if we are not happy and we try to make others happy, the real hope is that by making them happy, they'll return the favour. This fails.
The most Narcissistic thing we can do is to CHANGE OTHERS TO MAKE THEM HAPPY. The most altruistic thing we can do is to CHANGE OURSELVES TO BE HAPPY, because this happiness is infectious and then, it doesn't matter so much how we serve the world - our happiness guarantees goodness comes from it.
This is ironic because rather than changing your partner, trying to make them happy, you swing it around and choose to make you happy without things. In other words happy without a BECAUSE.
If you find yourself saying, I am happy today, because.....a, b, c, d, then you've just created the opportunity to sink in unhappiness without.....a, b, c, d.
Your happiness - no matter what happens, leads to the best relationship and all the great spiritual literature the emotion you show toward someone is actually what you get back, so, if you're happy, really happy - regardless - then that is the most powerful way to cause their happiness. SUSTAINING THE ATTRACTION - FIVE POINTS OF CONTACT
When we meet someone and merge into a relationship there are certain attractions we are not aware of, and as these discount, we lose that original attraction. Then relationships fail.
Here, we list for you those original attractions, they come from five contact points of relationship. Any one contact point can cause attraction but all have influence. So, for example, we might enter a relationship based on one of the five contact points, then, all the other four are not important. As long as we sustain the intensity of that one contact point we can live without the others. But over time, that living without, is almost impossible.
View the Graphic Here
- 1. Contact Point One: Animal or Physical Attraction. We have five senses and each sense has criteria to accept or reject people. This is an individual thing, what one person accepts at a sensory level another might reject. The animal, or physical attraction between two people can therefore cause relationship, and as long as there is quality control in that area, it will remain a strong sense of magnetism between two people.
Animal Attraction of Smell: Body smells, perfumes, hair, after shave, sox, breath - the sense of smell is not so much given credit for its power of attraction but it is powerful in causing rejection. Smell is the first and most powerful subconscious trigger to turn off, animal attraction. I once dated a lady with breath similar to a donkeys bum, she was an amazing woman but I just couldn't sustain attraction to her.
Animal Attraction of Sight: We have in our mind's eye, a series of criteria that make us attracted to or repelled from another person. Sometimes we get attracted by what we see, and then it changes and we lose it. I once lost interest at a physical level with a woman I was dating when she deliberately shaved her head. Seems trivial but.... it's an individual thing.
Animal Attraction of Taste: Although we think about our taste buds on the tip of our tongue, they also extend to our taste in clothes, furniture, cars, seats on planes, luggage, shoes and much much more. So, there's an enormous need for some level of diversity with harmony in taste. In other words if a person's choices are repelling then we can say they're not going to be attractive to us.
Animal Attraction of Touch: When some people put their hand on yours it feels fantastic and tingles go up your spine, when others touch you, you feel invaded and cold. The power of touch in animal attraction is very important. One lady I dated sweated so much from her hands you could take a bath in the them, her touch was always clammy, and although she was a wonderful soul, I couldn't really hold animal attraction to her.
Animal Attraction of Sound: Have you heard the sound of a winging moaning complaining voice - sometimes these voices emanate from one country or another, and this can be extremely repelling at an animal attraction level. The sounds of attraction also include the footsteps, the way they put things down, or move about the house, even closing a car door is a sound associated with attraction. Of course, music is obvious. It is important to feel a harmony with the sounds another person makes. Rarely does this attraction to sound include flatulence and belching.
- 2. Contact Point Two - Attraction on Mental levels
The mental level of attraction between two people is a vital ingredient of relationship because it underpins, romance, authenticity, attitude and respect. Mental level of relationship comes from COMPARISON. We will always compare who we are with in relationship to others. If we wish to sustain a healthy relationship that comparison must always result in a NEGATIVE. In other words our partner is BETTER that anyone else we continually compare them to. Some people are afraid of this comparison, but it is subconscious, and if ever we allow that comparison to be POSITIVE, in other words our perception is that the person we see looks, feels, smells, acts and contribution in our life IS BETTER THAN our partner, our attraction to our partner on the mental plane will be gone and all that is left for us in this relationship is to fall back into the physical level of attraction.
All affairs are started as a result of the loss of ANIMAL or MENTAL Attraction.
- 3. Contact Point Three - Attraction in Money
Although a couple may come together with vastly different wealth, it is in money SPENDING that there needs to be a harmony that causes attraction. This spending must be in some harmony, and this is triggered by AMBITION. One person with a high ambition to build wealth and another with no ambition, or a smaller ambition to build wealth will struggle to sustain a relationship at this level. One client met a partner and they found incredible compatibility in ambition. However, one person was happy when their net worth reached $1 million dollars, that was their dream, the other was dreaming of $20 million, and so their spending patterns became radically in conflict. Once I started a business partnership with my relationship partner and we built a successful business but she was content with what I thought was just the beginning of a huge opportunity, and we lost inspiration to work together and this, which was part of our original attraction, faded our attraction.
- 4. Contact Point Four - Attraction through Emotion and Love
Many people are very over committed to this level of attraction in relationship and as such it is the most common cause for attraction and loss of attraction. It is incredibly simple to understand why there are so many problems. First, we are attracted to people whose emotion toward us is how we want to feel. If, for example, if they are impressed with us, we want to feel impressive. If they are nurturing toward us we're attracted because we want to feel nurtured. But there's a problem. The emotion we have toward others becomes the emotion they have toward us, and a person who is keen to have some impression showered on them, is obviously being very hard on themselves, or if the person is needing nurturing then they are obviously not very nurturing so, the emotional attraction soon - very soon - flips - because people treat us with the same emotion that we treat them, and we treat people with the same emotion we treat ourselves. There is a massive amount of work people invest in this one area alone, trying to change each other, or even choosing "religious" correct emotions to treat each other when, it could simply be pickled down into "treat others as you want to be treated." Ultimately, emotions are energy and the synthesis of all emotions is Love.
- 5. Contact Point Five - Attraction through SOUL
From a very early age we create the prince or princess we hope to meet in our life. Each time we meet "the greatest love I've ever felt" we meet another piece of that puzzle called SOUL MATE. It's cumulative, we meet someone, find 20% of our SOUL MATE image, break up, meet the next LOVE OF MY LIFE - and now, there's 30%. The time it takes to meet, merge, discover the incomplete missing bits and move on, varies between a few weeks and for some, a lifetime. I know of couples who boast 40 years together, but, the reason they stayed was, that they learned to compromise. The Quest For SOUL MATE is natural. The interesting thing about SOUL MATE level of connection with another person is that it has no rational foundation in any of the previous four levels and, takes no time. I met my first wife, when I was 19 years old and knew within seconds that she was "THE ONE" - actually she was around 50% of my Princess Soul mate, and I knew that after 6 weeks. Thirteen years later, we divorced.
There are some closing comments: for Three Secrets of Long Term Relationship
When one level begins to crumble, the solution is to drop down to the next lower level. If Soul Connection begins to fade, drop to emotion, if emotion and love begins to fail drop to Money, if money attraction and ambition begin to fail drop to mental comparison, if mental comparison begins to fail, drop to physical and if physical begins to fail, RUN.
By Christopher J Walker
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